marizateria.com

bullet journal

Today was oddly productive. I work from home on Tuesdays so I used my lunch break to cut the grass and pull a clog from the tub. “After work” aka “after I closed my laptop” (the lack of transition between Work and Not Work is my only complaint about WAH — that and my roomie’s cat doesn’t understand boundaries) I swept and/or swiffered the floors as necessary, cleaned the bathrooms, and tidied the kitchen.

I went for a walk around the lake! It’s about an hour round trip. Lake Montebello is about 15 minutes (walking) from my house and really pleasant – lots of people walking, running, biking; sometimes there are (what I assume are) roller derby teams getting a basic skate in. I saw a guy around my neighborhood with a Charm City Roller Girls tee on; I think I have some cool neighbors somewhere but I can’t figure out what house they live in.

I even had time to go to Target and pick up a sleeping bag and air mattress. I stopped at Lowe’s and got a shelf which I put above my bathroom door. It’s hilariously unstable — luckily it’s just for toilet paper and maybe a washcloth.

Anyhoos, at some point, somehow, through Internet Magicâ„¢, I ended up on the site for Bullet Journal. This is a note-taking and task-organizing method that seems pretty easy to implement.

My self-image is of somebody who remembers everything and is on top of her shit, so it has taken me a while (and many embarrassing reminders from people) to admit to myself that I have become absent-minded and a little disorganized. It was easier to stay on top of my shit when it consisted of a max of 3 items. Now I have too much to fit in my brain all at one time.

It’s all such different stuff, too – regular life stuff (job, bills) and dance life stuff (choreograph this for this class, student x needs y) and any other thing that I might need to do (upload an AJ video!!! haha). The thing that appeals to me about Bullet Journal is it’s designed to contain all different things (tasks, events, and inspiration/randos). Although the idea of compartmentalizing appeals to me and my notebook lust, realistically it just means notebooks everywhere. And what if something could go in more than one category/notebook? WHAT THEN, SCIENCE? So I like the catch-all-ness.

Yeah I know it’s so ’90s to use a notebook and pen. ;) I tried Evernote and any.do and such but there’s something about using a notebook. Maybe because I can be more freestyle with it and typing on my phone takes longer than scribbling a note. I wish I liked the apps, the sync feature is pretty appealing!

As part of my re-dedication to the “If not now, when?” philosophy, I picked up a cheapie notebook at Target (yeahhh school supply sales!). It feels a little dumb to start right at the end of August but I’ll just think of it as the beta test. All of my “August tasks” are choreography tasks, haha.

You better believe I put all the stuff I accomplished today in there! Retroactive check boxes are the best! I’m looking forward to working with this to see if it helps me keep my life together. If anything, seeing what I have to do written down makes it seem less overwhelming. So that’s already a plus!


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it’s why you can’t rent a car until you’re 25

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Some research suggests that the prefrontal cortex (which has a lot to do with our ability to make decisions and generally be a responsible adult) isn’t fully formed until age 25 and may still change up until our 30s. This is interesting to me I do sort of feel like after 25 some sort of veil was lifted from me and I became generally more self-possessed and happier. Could just be good old-fashioned maturity. ;)

New journal! The cover is made from a cereal box I found in the recycling and it’s loosely/sloppily bound, just like I like ‘em. The circle stain is from when I put a beer on it, which confirms its alternate use as a coaster. hashtag upcycling


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just do your shit

After (more than) several weeks of a more flexible schedule, I think I’ve gotten through my petulant child I’M NOT GONNA DO ANYTHING!!!! phase and now I can start getting into more journaling, reading, thinkin’ ’bout stuff, etc (although I will admit I still kind of feel like a sack of crap when I’m not booked up back to back — at some point I became addicted to busyness and I’m still working through that!)

I kept getting all these emails from flickr about my delinquent payment info. Remember when you had to pay for flickr? ha ha ha. Also, I was vaguely aware that Yahoo effed Flickr up, but damn is it effed up. Needless to say I removed my payment info entirely.

So that’s how I got to looking through old flickr stuff – I’m far enough away from it all now that I can say I like it. I’m not saying it’s good (it’s not), I’m just glad that I did it.

And then I thought about this crazy gap I’m going to have now – I guess I have been creating dances, putting on events, and generally being hilarious on Facebook so it’s not total radio silence – but no AJs, no vids, no blog posts, no written journal.


what even is this?

figure 1: what even is this?

Even if it’s bad (figure 1), it’s so neat to look back on. I see the things that are the same (I do have a “style” as it turns out) and a lot of things that are different (600% less angst).

And I’m not just talking journal stuff – the photos, the writing, etc; it was all stuff that was important to me at the time. It’s not ground shattering or amazing but it’s me, and it’s nice to step back into those memories.

And then there’s the weird/random stuff, like that time I found a book called “The Lonely Carrot” so I made a carrot-recipe-themed altered book, complete with fake carrot that I crafted out of the air-dry modeling stuff. Like, I went to a craft store and purchased items for the purpose of creating a book about carrots. Who does that. I DO AND THERE’S PROOF THANK GOD


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I’m in a very strange situation where I’m inspired by myself… that sounds so self-indulgent, but I see all the ideas I had and how poorly they were executed and I kind of want to do some re-dos (not the carrot book).

So, like, just do your shit. You’ll be glad later. Even if it’s no good (every other time it will be good, but you can’t get that if you don’t go through the bad first). I guess if other people like it that’s cool too but do it for yourself, do it for the fun of it, do it just ’cause. As a results-oriented person I sometimes have trouble with The Process so reminding myself that a “Body of Work” is itself kind of a result inspires me to keep doing random stuff.

Up next: altered book about kale. ;)

But srsly have you made kale chips I can’t get enough (you have to make your own, the crap they sell in bags is disgusting)


figure 2: mustard study?
figure 2: mustard study?

half art journal, half talkin’ ’bout the gym

I need to bind a new journal. Which is a convenient excuse! So I had to remove the excuse by clipping together the signature and journaling on it anyway. :P This isn’t exactly what I had in my head; I can’t get her arms right (I did practices and everything) — but finally I had to just go for it.

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I am putting on a fall show (with a guest dancer from New York, who I am also sponsoring for workshops). I’m adding a Monday night choreography class (due to demand). I am very bad at “scaling back” and “relaxing.” :P

The good news is I’m re-using choreographies for both classes, so at least I don’t need to create anything new. My now-defunct choreography class was stressful at the time (pumping out original choreographies every 6 weeks) but it has given me somewhat of a repertoire. I try to give myself choreography assignments but it’s harder to get done when there is no deadline and nobody to teach it to (you can’t really know what’s going to work or not work until you try to teach it somebody else).

And my Tuesdays are totally free – I was taking my friend’s class but she is moving it to Saturday. Not only will the afternoon be free, but I work at home that day, so I may not even have to get in my car! I don’t miss being car-free but I do like the idea of having at least one day where I don’t drive somewhere.

COOL STORY BRO

pushup

In other news, I finally got my push-up!! I can do 4 to 7 depending on the phase of the moon (currently, 7 requires me going super saiyan, so it doesn’t happen very often. yet). My gym schedule is part of the reason I had to scale back my classes – the combination of my gym plus my classes was keeping me away from home for 12ish hours 3 days a week, which was too much. I had to pick, and gym won out! It is pretty critical to my well-being because I’m a huge meat head.

squat

I remember when I graduated to “Big Girl Plates” (45s) – it was such a big deal. Now 135lbs is my LIGHT day! It’s so cool to think about what used to be soooo hard and now it’s like whatever.

Progress with my squat has been up and down – my current max is 175lbs. It was doable and I think in terms of pure strength I could go heavier but I keep jacking up my hips. We’re not sure exactly why but it’s probably when it gets heavy I get scared (I severely underestimated the psychological component of lifting) and narrow my stance which feels more secure. Unfortunately that is what causes the hip issue: I am about 6’1″ so I have to stay wide and turn my feet out to accommodate the ol’ femurs. If I don’t, my knees cave and bad things happen (for example, I am unable to squat for 1-3 months and I cry a little).

This post is taking a very winding turn because I am waiting for this very video to finish saving and uploading. :) Oh look it’s done!

personal retreat 2k14

Hey it’s time for my monthly update where I just re-post the stuff I put on Instagram! (well, actually, I took some photos with my grown up camera too) (also, after actually writing this post, it’s too long for one update! I’ll break it up into “blog” “posts” like this was a “real” “blog”)

At the beginning of this month I went on a “Personal Retreat” where I just drove a long time to do nothing by myself. It was the best!!! And of course I ended up doing some stuff anyway.

IMG_2619I went to this retreat-y place near Asheville, NC, about an 8-hour drive from here. I stopped about 3 hours away in Charlottesville to visit the ol’ alma mater. It looks the same. There is a gourmet noodle bar in the cafeteria now; kids these days.

On July 4th there were Independence Day celebrations at Monticello; I had never been and was like “free walkthroughs sweeeet!!” but the actual price was sitting through the naturalization ceremony. The 4th of July naturalization ceremony at Monticello is the longest-running and largest one outside of a courtroom; 72 people from 39 countries became American citizens that day! It was very cool and moving…and it was 2 hours in the hot sun. A little difficult at the end. :P

Monticello itself was pretty interesting! The walkthroughs didn’t include any kind of tour so I just looked around and was content with that. :P I didn’t take many pictures because it’s not allowed inside the house and although the grounds are pretty they’re not super exciting for photos. :)

IMG_2626I drove the rest of the way down to NC and spent the night at the retreat which was great. It’s the type of place that has a stone circle, a “Divine Feminine” shrine, and rooms that are open to the outside so the wisteria can grow inside. Aka THE BEST

I think part of the reason I went on this trip and chose this place was to sit quietly and reconnect with my non-dance art sides (ie writing and drawing poorly) but I did not. Do any of that. At all. Although, I didn’t work on dance either. It was a total creative detox…which I guess sounds weird and like the opposite of something I would want to do, but I think it’s useful to “be” and not “do” from time to time. So I read the rest of my Fables books and ate peanut butter sandwiches.

IMG_2632 On Saturday we had the option to have brunch at a local family farm. The guy who ran the place said he’d ring the bell at 8:30am for everybody to walk over together… you didn’t have to go at that time, but I had no idea where this place was, so I kind of had to take the trip. The other people there were nice (3 other ladies about my age, and Dirk). I didn’t know what “brunch at a local family farm” meant — did he just have some kind of arrangement with them or what? I was kind of imagining that we would just go into some person’s house and eat there and felt kind of awkward about it.



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Anyway turns out they opened their (huge) garage and set up tables inside – and the entire town seemed to be there for breakfast – it was pretty happenin’! You’d go order from 6 menu items and they’d write your name/order on a ticket which you’d have to go give to the (one) guy that was making food for everybody. I took a pic but the lady asked we not post on the interwebs because they’re “way under the radar.”

You could also buy fresh eggs right out the chickens’ butts; they had special “Americana” eggs which were pink, blue, and white. I know this is terrible and/or a symptom of modern society but the richness of fresh egg yolk freaks me out.

IMG_2711I thought about spending the day sitting outside and reading Jurassic Park, but I wanted to check out the Biltmore Estate while I was in the area and wasn’t sure if I would be able to get around to it the following day (ie on my way out). Soooo I got off my butt and drove out there. IT was so busy I had to wait 2 hours to enter the house. Based on how full the visitor center was I actually paid for valet parking (whaaaat) and honestly it was worth $15 just to be able to drive directly up to the house while laughing at the commoners taking a shuttle ha ha ha plebes

The Biltmore Estate is the largest privately owned home in America (still owned by one of the Vanderbilts) and it’s pretttyyy swank. As usual, you can’t get pics inside. In addition to the usual rich people tapestries and libraries, there was an indoor swimming pool (in the basement and actually pretty creepy, like I wonder how many people “mysteriously drowned” there) and bowling alley. The grounds are pretty extensive with formal gardens and also a winery? Why not? I bought wine. I did not go on the wine tour because I do not care about how it gets to my face, just that it gets there.

The funny thing about that visit was seeing all the families there with their miserable kids. It reminded me of myself at that age…and here I am of my own free will now. My younger self would be rolling her eyes soooo hardddd. Sometimes I saw families that were not actively bickering and wondered what was wrong with them.

IMG_2733The next morning I left and started up towards Roanoke — I went to the Natural Bridge and at a $7 “Natural Bridge Burger” because I suddenly got really hungry when I was already past the ticketing area. It sucked. But I guess it was food? Maybe? It kept me alive at any rate.

The Natural Bridge looks pretty much the same as it did when I was a kid which was a surprise. They haven’t jazzed it up in all these years? :) I also walked A MILLION MILES to this crappy waterfall. When I was walking back somebody asked me if it was much farther to the waterfall and I should have just told them to turn back but maybe they like crappy waterfalls IDK. Also, having started Jurassic Park, I was a little concerned about the numbers of raptors in the woods (did not encounter any).

I stayed in a hotel that evening and had a huge crisis because it did not appear that I could order pizza via my eat24hours app and would have to use the telephone and speak to a human being. Rather than do that, I went to see Maleficent and had popcorn for dinner. #worthit




IMG_2758The next day was my return to Baltimore – I stopped at Foamhenge, a foam replica of Stonehenge, which was actually worth the stop. I thought it would be kinda whatever but I enjoyed it. Apparently the ‘stones’ are positioned correctly as well. Also interesting is the Merlin statue – his face is actually the death mask of one of the artist’s friends who wanted to be incorporated into his work. Cool and creepy at the same time?

I also found this Robot Muffler Man thanks to RoadsideAmerica.com. You have to be looking for it … I had to drive through a podunk Virginia town to find him. Like, the Confederate-flag-displaying-kind. I just took my pic and left.


foamhenge robomufflerman


I ate so many sour cream and onion pringles and s’mores poptarts and I regret nothing!!! It was a pretty good trip all in all. Only lasted 5 days. I still have a lot of PTO for some reason/somehow and we don’t get to carry any over into next year so I’ll have to plan another weird trip soon. :P

cake!

I have been mostly keeping up (ish) with the ICAD challenge although I have missed the past few days. And I really phoned in a few (on one I drew a phone, that’s how much I was phoning it in). Now they’re in a box (the Birchbox boxes are the perfect size) more than 3 feet away from my face and I’m too lazy to scan them, so just imagine a pile of crappy index cards. VOILA!

More importantly, I made some amazeballs cakes and cupcakes for my roommate’s birthday:


cake cake_4

Pinterest 101: The Rainbow Cake (although I also have a recipe book with this in it, so I can pretend like I didn’t see 100 versions on Pinterest)

It’s pretty simple to make – just divide the batter and dump in a bunch of food coloring – it just takes foreverrrr. I’ve also never made a more-than-2-layer cake before, so I didn’t do such a good job of constructing it. I was REALLY committed to the ROYGBIV concept so I put the red on the bottom even though that layer was all jacked up and smaller than the rest. Putting the smallest layer as the base is a great idea you guys!

And by “great idea” I mean “we had to use a jar of peanuts to prop it up.”

It took 1.5lbs of butter and about 2lbs of powdered sugar to make enough frosting……so worth it.

My roomie loves Studio Ghibli (who doesn’t) and I love learning new skills that I only use once, so I decided to learn to make marshmallow fondant (“MMF”,” which makes me think of a wrestling federation) so I could decorate some cupcakes with various characters.

MMF is actually not too hard to make – I wish I even had a hilarious story for you, but really you just melt marshmallows and add powdered sugar (and a bit of water) until it’s a workable consistency. Then you can color it or whatever. I mostly needed white but I made some grey for Totoro.


cake_1cake_2

I didn’t get a food pen or anything so I had to use black food coloring straight from the tube to “draw” the faces which is why they’re all mushy. :P (the random circles ones are supposed to be wood sprites….yeah) So lesson learned for next time. But the soot sprites turned out perfectly!! I just dunked them in ground oreos.

The cupcakes were actually delicious – I’m not tryna toot my own horn; I was genuinely surprised when I ate one and I was like daaaaamn these are awesome (and I ate two more). They were just a box chocolate fudge mix, but with an oreo in the bottom and crushed oreos mixed into the buttercream frosting (+ the MMF on top…sugar bomb).

The “Death by Oreo” cupcake recipe is here. I didn’t mix the cookies into the cake batter because I forgot… but they were a hit nonetheless!

ICAD Week 2

I’m loving this challenge you guys!

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cleaning up your creative space in 7 steps

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Step 1: Admit you have a problem.

Step 2: 18 days later, decide to put shallow shelves on the wall for canvases, journals, books, etc. Nothing too wide so it doesn’t come out over the drawing table.

Step 3: You’re too shy to ask the person at the hardware store to cut wood down to size, so acquire wooden garden stakes and/or a canvas stretcher you found in your basement.


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Step 4: Knock everything on the floor (this is important. You have to fuel your rage so that you will complete this project just to prove you CAN).

Step 5: Briefly consider just balancing the shelves on long screws; realize that this is a dumb idea even by your low home improvement standards. Buy L-brackets.

Step 6: Drill holes into wooden stakes/stretchers for the brackets – ideally you should do this directly on your floor so that if the drill breaks through to the other side it will create a tiny dent in the floor, thus maximizing damage to your home. Attach bracketed wood chunks to the wall.


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Optional: Wonder why you impulse-bought so many canvases.


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Step 7: Relinquish chair to cat that isn’t even yours.

ICAD Week 1

I was a little late (and then I missed a day), but I’m participating in Daisy Yellow’s Index Card a Day (ICAD) challenge. It’s 61 days of creating something on an index card, so I’m hoping to end up with at least 25. ;)

Mostly I was just using whatever highlighters I had on my desk…then today I finally wheeled my chair 4 feet (4 whole feet!) to the left and got some pencils.

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As you can see, I’m taking the “doesn’t have to be any good” aspect of the challenge very seriously.

quarterly update

hey nerds!

It took me like 3 hours to figure out how to get back in here. I was pretty close to re-installing everything, which I may still do; maybe a fresh start is required.

The good news is I’m cutting my teaching schedule in half! I only teach 4 hours a week but adding in my gym times and commute times, I currently have 3 days a week that I get home after 9pm. And one of my classes is actually a performance troupe which requires many hours of outside prep. Starting mid-June I will only teach one class and my performance troupe which I’m soooo looking forward to. I love teaching and I love my students (hence not quitting entirely) but I don’t like having such a rigid schedule. It’s to the point where if somebody wants to hang out with me and they don’t request the time slot 3 weeks in advance, I am secretly a little mad about it. That’s not how I wanna live my life.


eatingincar
I’ve eaten dinner in my car more often than any person should

Coming this summer: moar art. I do miss it. I have to take all my own advice (here and here, remember when I used to write ish? I don’t) and make it part of my schedule…step one is clearing time for it.


baconroses
The craftiest thing I’ve done lately – bacon roses for my Valentine. I was really trying to lock that down (he fell for it)

What does this mean for this blog? Probably nothing – what blog? Nobody is reading this anyway I’m going to go get some yogurt

decorating is the worst thing in the world

EXPLAIN ME:
WHY IS PUTTING THINGS UP ON WALLS OR WINDOWS SO HARD????

I mean, it’s not a difficult concept: put some nails in, or maybe a screw and anchor if it’s heavy…how is it possible that I run into some kind of obstacle no matter where I drill? Statistically it seems unlikely that there is a stud or pipe or dead body or whatever behind EVERY inch of wall.

I spent all damn day on Sunday doing roller blind things. I don’t even want to talk about it. The point is only one rolls properly. Another one kinda rolls. The others make me want to burn the house down.

Did you know any idiot can go buy a hacksaw? I feel like I should not own this item. But I guess you need it to cut your roller blinds when the hardware stores only cut their own brand of things.


my frickin bedroom wall
FACT: Everything is held to the wall by my own seething rage.

Anyway, I try to hold onto the fact that I have successfully mounted the curtains and that bird picture, although I think I drilled a hole through the side of my house to the outside? I’m not sure.

I actually considered blogging my home improvement ridiculousness but these follies are too grand even for me; I don’t want people to know I’m THAT dumb. Maybe after I’ve achieved a basic level of competence so I can afford to have a sense of humor about it. Right now I am just so angry. So, so angry.

I have 3 roller blinds to go and another 4 to try and fix. Although 3 of them are in my roommate’s room, so maybe I don’t care because it’s not my room. :)

Anyway that’s what I’ve been up to. I try to spruce up the joint and then start drinking wine right out of the bottle, finally falling asleep on a bed of IKEA receipts. hashtag this is the life

abandoning art journal pages

I worked on this page over the course of a few days, which is usually not a great sign — generally speaking (for me personally), if I can’t get a page out in one sitting, it’s not going to work. I usually end up overworking whatever element I’m having trouble with and that’s exactly what happened here.

I went so far as to edit the video but I don’t think I’ll upload it because most of it is me trying and failing to get the right level of derp in her face. I’m very particular about my derp.

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badspread2

Too “Sound of Music”
Too derpy, even for me

I can usually tell a page is “done” when it becomes lifeless and/or overwrought – at the risk of sounding like a new age hippie I do feel a certain energy coming from the pages that are working; some just don’t feel like talking. This page was actually already a cover-up of something else — I think this particular portion of paper just doesn’t want to hang out. :)


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How can you tell when a page is done? Do you just abandon it? (I sure do, and if I’m lucky it’s bad enough to be considered an Ugly Journal Page, a series I would like to do again soon!)

shelfies!

Michelle Ward has called people to post “shelfies,” which is what a sounds like…a selfie but for your shelves. :) I thought it sounded like a fun thing to do so here’s my little contribution! Here’s the original post if you want to check it out.


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This is what your ENTIRE book collection looks like when you a) move often and don’t want to lug crap around b) switch over to Kindle. I like having the anatomy/dance and cookbooks in physical format because they are easier to refer to. And some are just favorites that I saw no reason to get rid of.

JUNK

And this is what your shelves look like when you’ve just moved like 3 weeks ago and are too overwhelmed to put things on the wall or otherwise put things in places. Actually, as a result of taking this photo and feeling a little embarrassed about it, all the frames are on the wall and now these shelves are just kinda empty. :) I put the sword (not really visible due to the angle – the hilt is sticking into the blue bag) on the wall in view of the front door – it’s not really dangerous but people seem to fear it, so may as well use that to my advantage. hashtag home protection system

The one below is a little different but I wanted to include it just for the story and associated rambling tangents, starting with: So apparently my house has been through some tough times. The floors are the original hardwood from 1924 (!!!) but there are scrapes all over the place. According to the realtor when the house was vacant people broke in and dragged the radiators out, gouging the floor. The wood is very thin so they were only able to sand it down so much, so the scratches are still visible. I don’t mind it, it’s a little added character.

Then as I was moving in one of the neighbors wandered by and said that the house used to be occupied by “a buncha pedophiles” but the neighborhood ran them out. So the good news is I’m already a better neighbor than the previous occupants, what with the not being into kids and all.

Last Friday I ordered a pizza because I’m trying to establish a relationship with my local Papa John’s. They said it was going to take like an hour so when an unknown number called my phone like 20 minutes later I didn’t bother to pick up. Shortly after there was a knock on the door and it was pizza hooray! The guy then gave me a mini-lecture (albeit polite) about “ma’am, you gotta answer your phone” because apparently 5 years ago somebody was lured to my very address (vacant at the time) and beaten with a baseball bat. So, I gotta answer my phone.* He said it wasn’t a big deal this time and then left me with SEVEN GARLIC CUPS so clearly he was not that mad.


garliccups
(not pictured: the 2 I’ve already consumed)

That was my long-ass setup for a fridge shelfie. Yes, that’s the only thing in that drawer right now. I feel like I’m in college.

*= I mean, I could answer my phone AND beat him with a baseball bat; they are not really mutually exclusive. I’m not really sure what the reasoning was there.

Anyway. Vacant, alleged pedophiles (I don’t know how good that guy’s intel was), thieves, and thugs; the house has been through some ish and the neighborhood is somewhat transitioning but I think it’s on the up and up. Don’t worry house I will take care of you now. And I feel pretty safe here, especially since I found a baseball bat in my backyard. I assume it was some kid’s but it’s mine now. I would beat somebody with it but I answered my phone, so…

everybody has a damn blog

Growing up, I wrote on the interwebs pretty much all the time. I even got my parents to pay for a domain name (in retrospect I’m still not quite sure why they did, I guess to support my budding tech skills? I was really into building sites) and blogged before blogs were a thing; I was on scribble.nu (did anybody use that besides me and my middle school frenemy?), xanga, LJ (of course), all while still maintaining various domains (marzenie.com, witch-bottle.org, kiwi-tree.net…I don’t know where I came up with those names). And omylord the SUBDOMAINS. I had one just for my precious dream journal! I still have the screenshots of a lot of things, you know, for my design portfolio, in case anybody wants to do a retro-style website hard coded with iframes. Hahahaha omg iframes were my life.

iframes and offers to host other sites. back in my day we had to get domain owners to host our sites because blog platforms DIDN'T EXIST AT ALL
iframes and offers to host other sites. back in my day we had to get domain owners to host our sites because blog platforms DIDN’T EXIST AT ALL

Anyway, that’s just me establishing my cred and reminiscing about Angelfire.

I was wondering why I’ve been so reluctant to return to blogging. I simultaneously miss the feeling but dread being on the internet in this capacity. But uhh didn’t I do it for my entire angsty teenage life? I didn’t even have anything interesting to say. Not that I necessarily do now but at least I do more things besides just sitting around watching HIM videos.

I think it’s because everybody else has a god damn blog. There are two issues: the big one is that now that we’re “all” here, it’s way more likely that somebody I know will find me. Because CLEARLY I am so scandalous! I actually write exactly like I speak (hence all the random commas) so anybody who knows me in real life would be totally bored anyway, especially since I probably already told them about the thing I’m blogging about. So that one is just irrational I guess.

But I think the biggest one is that, because everybody has their own blog, there is this weird feeling I get that you have to have a “thing.” The generic online journal is so 1998 and a lot of the blogs I frequent are very focused on one thing.

Everybody also writes in single lines.

Because each line is so

weig
        h
           t
            y

that it needs its own space.

[INSTAGRAM PHOTO OF TEA]

So like, I don’t know what my blog should be “about,” I guess it’s about art journaling but HORRIBLE CONFESSION I really don’t think about art all the time. I don’t go for meandering walks every day (do these people not have jobs or what’s the deal with all the walking?) and take pictures of pine needles so I can wax poetic about how the pine is like, some.. like. I don’t know. life metaphor. evergreens and renewal, you know whatever. BRB steeping tea

I probably sound mad but I ain’t mad. I just think it’s kind of amusing that everybody’s unique voice sounds so similar. :) And I guess I am trying to say that I would like to blog again, but this blog isn’t going to be “about” anything. I’ll continue to post my AJ videos because I like doing that, and maaaaaybe wax poetic about a rock I found on a meandering walk that I went on during my day off, but I also reserve the right to talk about what I ate for dinner.

This was a long way of saying I miss LiveJournal. Whoomp Whoomp. ;)

omg. I’m going through screenshots of my old layouts… pure gold. You can’t deny I had an aesthetic (whether it was good or not….) I was VERY proud of the one below; I spent hours making the header image (teaching myself how to work with layers).


golden

i ain’t even mad