When van Gogh was a young man…He sat in his cheap little room writing a letter to his younger brother in Holland, whom he loved very much. He looked out his window at a watery twilight, a thin lamppost, a star, and he said in his letter something like this: “It is so beautiful I must show you how it looks.” And then on his cheap ruled notepaper, he made the most beautiful, tender, little drawing of it…[T]he moment I read van Gogh’s letters I knew what art was, and the creative impulse. It is a feeling of love and enthusiasm for something, and in a direct, simple, passionate and true way, you try to show this beauty in things to others, by drawing it.”
- If You Want to Write, Brenda Ueland

(She notes that it can come from a feeling of hate as well, but that work from love seems to be greater than work from hate).

I used to think, like many people, that creating something was sort of selfish or egotistical.* I don’t want to be either of those things, so I either tried ignoring or hiding my creative impulse – both of which made me miserable. I couldn’t figure out how to separate my creativity from my guilt.

I finally got it when I performed my first dance solo. I loved the dance (and still do, although it would look different today!). I got on stage and basically offered it to the audience – the feeling I had was, I really like this thing that I made, and I hope you do too. If you don’t, that’s cool (but try not to be a jerk about it). I finally understood that creating and sharing is not meant to be something you shove down peoples’ throats for attention; it’s something you do for the joy and love of it. If you decide to share it with others, it’s because you’re so psyched about it, it would be unfair to keep it to yourself.

Once I finally understood that feeling, everything became easier. I still have my ups and downs of course, but a lot of that tension is gone. Even if I don’t share it with anybody, being freer to create and express myself keeps me more balanced; I’m generally happier and more patient and kind, which of course directly affects everybody I interact with. How can this be selfish?

Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.
- The War of Art, Steven Pressfield

And, of course, the work itself. You never know who it will speak to (or how). There are songs, paintings, books that I LOVE and inspire me that other people don’t care for; what speaks to me doesn’t speak to everybody. It takes all kinds – what if somebody is desperately waiting for your message, while you withhold it?

I’ve started making something based on Jan Svankmajer’s (yeah, I’m kind of obsessed right now) film, The Last Trick. This guy is a prototype since I’ve never worked with “CelluClay” before (I figured it’d be easier than paper mache but I may be wrong). I’m sure it’ll end up completely different since my things always seem to morph, but still, the film motivated me to do it for whatever reason. And then I started thinking about this idea of creating for its own sake (I certainly don’t know what I’ll do with this thing when I’m done), which kind of led me to the idea for this post. And if I’m super lucky, somebody will read it and be motivated to make something too. It’s a little reductive, but look at the chain of events set off by this little film from 1964!

Since this entry is already so quote-heavy I’ll throw this in here (I have this on my fridge so I can see it every day):

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- Buddha

*Of course there are people who do want attention, money, etc; there are also those that create out of hate or unhappiness. There are also those that create a lot of cynical/sarcastic things – which I enjoy – so that’s kind of different…but for the sake of this entry, I’ll stick to those who create from enthusiasm/joy, otherwise we’ll be here all day!